2-16-13 My 13th Month Update....Gains instead of a Loss!

I don't know where to begin! I have been putting off writing this post for the past two days because all I could think about was the fact that I GAINED weight this month and what a loser move that is. I didn't know how I could come here to write an update when I not only didn't lose any weight, but I keep bouncing around with the same 3 pounds. So my month 13 update is that I wasn't able to lose weight this month.

I suppose that could be the end of the story for the month.....but I had a realization this morning. I think it was prompted by a friend's comment who happens to be at the beginning of his journey. He talked about keeping up with what everyone around him is doing in terms of weight loss. I do that, too....to an extent. I think it is a human response. I tried to show him that the weight loss he was having trouble feeling proud about, was actually a really great start for his journey. Which brings me back to my month....the month I gained 2 pounds instead of losing....this month. What I need to celebrate this month isn't what I have lost, but what I have GAINED!

In this past month I have gained sooo many things.It's time to celebrate my gains instead of my losses.

I gained my facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/ThinkPinkMyJourneyToHealth, which is a gain of over 600 new people to talk to, celebrate with, and learn from! The support I find from the facebook community has been amazing, not only from fitness and weight loss pages, but also from the facebook groups that I interact with on a daily basis....you all mean the world to me.

This month I gained the ability to jog an entire 5k without stopping. I graduated from the 5k 101 training program I was following and I ran in three 5k races in the last 30 days. The first one was a virtual 5k for Katie's birthday over at runsforcookies.com. That was the same day that I graduated from the 5k 101 training program.....I literally broke down in tears when I realized what I had just accomplished! I have also been able to reduce my time in each race I have done. By the way, I HIGHLY recommend runningmatemedia.com for the BEST 5k training program out there! Having finished that program, I have gained the confidence to continue down the path of being a jogger, and I am beginning his 10k 101 training program! I started looking at 10k races to sign up for, who would have ever thought I would be doing that!

With the races, I have gained a new way to spend time with my family. This month my oldest daughter participated with my husband and I in her very first 5k, which made my heart swell with joy and pride! Next month my younger daughter, as well as my older daughter are both participating with me in not one, but 2 5k events. The first one will be a regular 5k, a Mardi Gras race and the second will be a mud and obstacle 5k called "The Dirty Girl" mud run. It is going to be soooo fun! www.godirtygirl.com

This month I have also gained a new membership to our local YMCA. I can exercise in a variety of new ways. One of those ways, is through group exercise classes....something I have ALWAYS avoided.....because being the fat kid in class that can't keep up, well it just felt embarrassing to me. This month I finally gained the confidence to attend my first group class. I was the fat kid in class, as I knew I would be.....but you know, it wasn't embarrassing. I participated in all the exercises....making a few modifications here and there, but I got through it....pushing a truck around a parking lot and all!! I was SOOO sore for the next 4-5 days, but when the class rolled around again....I went! I think a few of the regulars were surprised to see me back for more. I call it the torture hour, but I am not going to stop going....and all those "regulars" that are super fit, they were all proud of me for coming back. I gained yet another community of support from my group class at the Y!

So, instead of feeling like a loser for not LOSING any weight this month.....I need to focus on all of the things I have gained. I have gained a TON more than 2lbs....and THAT is where my focus needs to be!

1-14-13 It's My Anniversary!!!!! (and I don't mean to the hubby)

WOW, it has been a year! A year of living a healthier lifestyle. This milestone is huge for me, you see I am usually a quitter. When I started this a year ago I didn't want to tell anyone I was doing it.....so that when I quit, no one would know.....except me. 

My emotions this morning are all over the place. I am so happy that I didn't quit. I am so scared that I can still fail. I am proud of myself. I am disappointed in myself, too. I play the "what if" game with myself all the time. What if I had not cheated along the way, where would my numbers be then. I am so grateful for each and every person I have met along the way, you guys have truly become part of my journey.

Well today is  a day to celebrate my victories, not beat myself up about "what if!" There are a lot of victories, some big and some small. I have loved experiencing all of them. My biggest victory isn't even the weight loss. My biggest victory is finally believing that I am worth it....and because I put myself in a position to succeed, I am succeeding! So what have I lost in a year?

::drumroll::

104 pounds!!

Ahhh, 104 pounds! I started out wearing sizes 24w and 26w in pants and 32w shirts. Today I am wearing a pair of size 14 pants and an xlarge shirt. I bought them in a regular store! I re-read my post from a year ago, and I had a 60 inch tape measure and that is what my hips measured. Definitely going to need to re-measure today!

A year ago I stepped on the scale and I weighed 319.2 pounds. Today I stepped on the scale and weighed 215.2 pounds. I haven't made it to onederland yet, but I will. I have no idea what my end goal weight will be....because I cannot remember ever being under 200 pounds, I don't know what it will be like to be in the 100's.

I may have lost some weight, but I have gained so many other things. I have gained the confidence in myself that allows me to keep going. I can exercise, I did 3.5 miles yesterday and 2.25 miles this morning....I can remember being out of breath just bending over to tie my shoes or walking from the house to the car! I used to go into a coughing, wheezing fit when I laughed, now when I laugh....it is just laughing....instead of sounding like I am about to have a heart attack (which I probably was about to have)!

I am happy that my family can be proud of me. My son used to tell me I was lazy and fat and that I should get off the couch and lose weight. That did not make me want to lose weight, it made me want to eat cheese puffs! But he is a teenager, without a filter....what he thinks, he says. I especially did not want him to know I was trying to lose weight....because when I failed (and I was sure I was going to) I didn't want to hear him tell me what a fat, lazy, unmotivated person I was. Well now, he tells me that I look great....sometimes he walks by and I will be wearing something that looks good and he might say "damn, mom.....you have lost SOOO much weight" or I hear him brag to his friends about my weight loss. It feels good. As much as it felt crappy to hear him tell me I was fat, he was right. I love that he is proud of me now. My daughters are both so proud, too....and to hear my 19 year old gush about my sweater and my boots....felt awesome. My husband is an angel.....he would never say anything about how fat I was, not to me or anyone else.....but as the pounds came off (of him and me) I know how proud he is.....and he is my biggest supporter! So I wanted to share this fun family photo with you guys. It was taken in November, on Thanksgiving to be exact. I have only lost 5 more pounds since this picture was taken. (the holidays have been a big struggle!)

With 2012 came my first 5k race....and I have to say, it is kind of addicting! I plan on doing at least one race a month in 2013. My January race is right around the corner! The Graffiti Run in San Antonio on the 27th! February we are doing a race for the Rape Crisis Center in San Antonio....and then in March....doing the Dirty Girl Mud/Obstacle course in Austin (very excited about that one!)

I feel giddy, this anniversary feels so happy, better than any birthday I can remember! I will do another post very soon with my measurements and an official side by side picture from a year ago and from today.  Until then.........THINK PINK!

1-3-13 Post Holiday / Post Vacation (What did it cost me)

Happy New Year! That is actually the first time I have been able to say "Happy New Year" and mean it! Usually the New Year brings resolutions....and usually two weeks later, they are out the window!

I always hated when someone would ask me if I had a New Year's Resolution.....because to me that was code for "Geeez, you are so fat, shouldn't you be making a resolution to lose weight"

I have been a weight loss failure my entire life. That is, until last year. 2012 was VERY good to me. I lost over 100 pounds in 2012. It was a lot of hard work....but so worth it. And you know what, I did it all without a resolution to do it. I didn't make a resolution, because to me, that meant failure. I didn't even start on the 1st or the 2nd like a lot of people. I started my lifestyle change on January 14, 2012. Just a random friday, when I was ready. 

I think that is the key, you have to be ready. I armed myself with the tools to be successful and then decided to be successful. The Pink Method was perfect for me. It allowed me to find my way to success. I owe such a debt of gratitude to Cynthia Pasquella for changing my life last year. Allowing me to look forward to the new year with a sense of pride and accomplishment for 2012. Three days into 2013 and I have so much promise in what I can accomplish this year....and I will do it all without a resolution. I have goals, some big, some small. My most immediate goal is to lose the 5 pounds I gained over the holiday/vacation! I am already down 2 of them and have 3 to go!

I still struggle every day with temptation. Temptation to eat crap. Temptation to be lazy. Temptation to say "the hell with it, it is too hard!" But then I look at where I was.....and see where I am going...and I know that I am worth it, and I can do it. I will kick 2013's ass!

12-15-12 Month #11 Progress Report & Pics!

Friday was my 11 month PINK anniversary...and I got a VERY special anniversary present that morning....the scale finally showed a 100lb weight loss!!! My starting weight was 319.2. This morning the scale showed this:
That was pretty awesome! I had made a goal of reaching 100lb weight loss inside of a year....and I did it in 11 months! I still have a way to go.....but wow, I know I will get there! 2012 has been an amazing year. I went from being a morbidly obese woman that could barely walk from the fridge to the couch without breaking a sweat.....to the me that I am today, jogging 2 miles on the treadmill, running a 5k, eating healthy, being healthy! This is my 100lb comparison:
 
My next mini-goal.....to get to onederland! Less than 20lbs away....I can't wait!  Love PINK!!!!!

12-8-12 Finished my first 5k race today, it was AWESOME!

Well, I did it! Jogged/walked in my first 5k race today. A year ago I could barely walk from the house to the car....and that made me wheeze and cough and breathe heavy for a little while. Now, 11 months into the program....I just did a 5k. So close to 100lbs gone...and jogging! Unbelievable!

The coolest part was feeling like a participant in something instead of being a spectator. It was so special to feel like I was not going to watch from the sidelines, I actually participated! My hubby did this with me....and even though he could have ran faster and finished earlier, he didn't...he stayed with me...walked when I needed to and jogged at my pace. It was so awesome....really great feeling of accomplishment today!

11-23-12 Thanksgiving Comparisons

Yesterday I was dragging my family outside for Thanksgiving Day pictures....which is comical because every other year.....they had to drag me! I would hide as much of me as I could behind my other family members...as if that hid the fact that I was HUGE! This picture is me on Thanksgiving Day last year, side by side with a picture of me from Thanksgiving yesterday.

Then I started digging through Thanksgiving pictures from other years and came across this one, which shows that my husband and I have come a long way!

Another way to tell how far I have come....yesterday before we went to my parents house for Thanksgiving....I jogged/walked a 5k on my treadmill....seriously....me....exercising on a holiday! I am not fast, but I finished it.....47 minutes. Also, my weight loss officially hit 99lbs Thanksgiving morning! Of course, I probably took a step backward by eating the Thanksgiving meal....but I will get right back at it today!

11-14-12 10 Months In...feeling happy! 95lbs gone!!

Well, it is that time again, the time to measure my progress...my monthly anniversary. 10 months of PINK, 95lbs lighter....feeling pretty good about that.

This is where I tend to start giving myself negative talk....if I would have exercised more....if I hadn't had made a few bad choices on my food....I could already be down 100lbs or 120lbs. Well, not today. Today I am giving myself a pat on the back....95lbs in 10 months is a pretty great accomplishment.....I'll take it, because I have earned it. Have I been perfect every day? Not even close! But I have never stopped...and I have never given in....and I am not going to be the fat girl that I have been my whole life. I am not going to let the fat version of myself dominate my thoughts, or my actions.

I still HATE to exercise, but I do it 6 days a week almost religiously now. I have found what works for me, and it is early morning....get up, get it out of the way and go on about my day. Some days I exercise again in the afternoon....but whether I do or not, I have at least done it once that day. I don't think I will ever be the girl who says she loves to workout....but I am the girl that knows she has do it, so it gets done.

I have changed, that is for sure. I do have more fitness type goals....like I want to be able to jog in 5ks, not walk them, but jog them. I am working on that, but it will take me a while. I am doing the couch to 5k program and I am on week 4....for the second time. I do not think I am ready yet for week 5.  I can jog for 3 minutes straight right now, the 5 minute jogs still get me....I get through them, but it is tough.

I signed up for the Dirty Girl Mud Run in March, an obstacle 5k for women only, not timed, just for fun. I am very excited about it. I have never in my life done anything like that. I bought new jeans and pants this month....size 16, regular store. THAT felt amazing. Being limited to the fat girl stores feels bad, feels second rate, feels like failure to me. Being able to go into a regular store, to the regular sizes and buy clothes....it was very liberating. I want to wear even smaller clothes, I want to be so firmly into regular sizes that I don't have to wonder if it will fit, but rather which size will fit.

So last month my weigh-in was 230.8. Today I weighed in at 224.2. That is 6.6lbs for the month and a grand total to date of 95lbs. I am 5lbs from my next charm on my weight loss charm bracelet. and 5lbs away from 100lbs lost. I still have a way to go, but I am so much closer to the finish line than the start line, and that feels amazing. My mini-goal is to lose 100lbs inside of a year....I have 2 months left.....think I can do it?