Tuesday, May 28, 2013

05-28-13 Recommitment

Recommitment, I wasn't even sure that was an actual word. However, after a trip to dictionary.com....I know that it is an actual word! It is definitely what I need to be doing, making a recommitment. I have just gone back and re-read my last actual blog about my weight loss, which was on 3-18-13. I said in that blog that it was my second update without a weight loss, which was true. I tried to put a pretty spin on it and talk about all the positive things instead. There were a lot of good things, even without an actual weight loss. But something happened to me over the last month. I have really let myself get back into bad habits. I have let myself eat things that I don't like to admit that I ate. I have been talking myself out of exercising, ALOT!

The GOOD news is that I have kept up with my goal of doing a race at least once a month, so I guess I should update the April and May races. I haven't been a complete exercise slacker.....so let's start there.

Oh but first, I realized that I never blogged about my Mud Run in March.....it was March 23rd and it was a BLAST with my two daughters and a ton of great friends.....highly recommend you participating in one of these. We are doing it again in December in San Antonio!

April was actually my first 10k! It was on April 13, 2013. I am actually surprised now that I didn't blog about that one.....but it helps me pinpoint my downward spiral. I was still doing pretty good up until that race, with food and exercise. This was the Blue Bell 10k in Brenham. It was the first time I actually traveled outside of my area for a race. My daughter joined me and we drove 2 hours to Brenham. She participated in the 5k and I did the 10k. My time was an hour and 27 minutes. I was happy with it, my goal had simply been to do it in an hour and a half. I did that. Then....I ate ice cream, more than I should have. And if I am being honest, I don't think I stopped eating "more than I should have" since then. Just writing it out is making the picture clearer. That day after the race I ate 4 or 5 ice cream bars. Pains me to admit that, but it is exactly what I did. Not one, or even two....but 4 or 5!  Here is the race picture from this event.

Now, I really do think that was the start of being completely out of control. I had been really focused and diligent up until then. I wasn't even nervous about running the 6.2, I was confident that I had prepared for it. I gave myself some "rest" days from exercising after the race. Those "rest" days turned into me making excuses for not exercising for even more days. I have not had a really good exercise schedule since that race. I still sporadically exercised. I would feel guilty for blowing it off, then I would do it for a few days....then I would make some more excuses.

I had my birthday in May. Birthdays are yet another excuse to be indulgent for me. Actually, if I am being honest, I have made MANY excuses for being indulgent for the last month and a half.  I did run a race the day after my birthday. It was with my daughter and my husband. We did the Chuy's 5k in Austin. It was a fun race, but I was SO out of my training schedule that I WAS nervous for this race. It was only 3.1 miles but I had not run for probably two weeks before race day. I knew I had gotten out of condition for it. Definitely slower than I had wanted. And my gosh it was COLD for May in Austin, Texas! Highlight of this race....getting a picture with Elvis! Here is a picture of that race.

So after this race and after my birthday weekend....I had good intentions of getting back on track. Good intentions that transformed into excuses! I was in a FUNK, a BIG FUNK! I would go to work every day with good intentions of exercising after work. I would bring my workout clothes with me and everything....occasionally I made it to the gym or out for a run....but 90% of the time, I didn't. I even found myself getting into REALLY bad habits of the McDonald's drive-thru for fries and a double cheeseburger. Then I would eat that and think....well heck, what would the point of running be now.....I already screwed up today! EXCUSES, RATIONALIZATIONS.....I had plenty of them. I had heard about this other race that was being put on for free because they had gotten some big sponsors. All of the money was going to two very good causes, one of which was the Boston One Fund. Boston had been on my mind a lot so I really wanted to do this race. It was a 5 mile race in Austin, part of the In24 series. I didn't really train for it, I told myself that I may come in dead last, but I was doing it anyway. It was on May 11th. I am not even sure if I had even run at all in between these two races. The good news is that I finished it.....the bonus was, I wasn't even last! My mom even came out with my husband to cheer me on. Here is a picture from that event.

Now, that all brings us to today, 5-28-13. I haven't run very much since that race, either. Although, I do know that my weight the morning after that race was at 218.5. My weight has yo-yo'd very badly for the last two months. But since that race on 5-11-28, I have really gotten out of control. This morning my weight was up to 232. That is up 13.5 pounds in 17 days.

Ok, time for a new plan.....things are not working the way they need to be working and I am not about to let all of my hard work over the past year and 5 months go down the drain. So today I got up, eeked out 3 miles on the treadmill before work and started planning out a solution to this current problem.

I lost over 100lbs using the PINK method, by Cynthia Pasquella. She has a new plan out called "The Hungry Hottie Method, A 6 week Transformation Program." Well, I need help again.....so I am turning to this program. I am up almost 17lbs from my low and that is not acceptable. I will never be that girl who weighed over 320 pounds again! Cynthia's new program is supposed to deal with the emotional side of things, clearly this is what I need! So, today is my recommitment to myself and to anyone who reads this blog and/or follows my journey on Facebook. I will not fail. I will not let the weight win. I am going to get back on track with my food and my exercise. My next race is June 8th, another 10k. I will train for that race from today forward, properly. I will post more on my facebook page, to keep myself accountable. I really want to get to a place of running a half marathon before the year is over.  There is a half marathon in January, I was going to give myself until then to do that one, but just now...in this moment....it has become important for me to do one before the end of 2013.

I am not giving up on myself, even though I did temporarily regress. I am going to  move forward. I feel stronger than I have felt in over two months and I will not fail.

1 comment:

  1. You can do this! I found your FB page awhile back and have been following you. I can relate to so much of what you've written in this post. I'm 10 months into my journey and was down 80 lbs. I had a cheat meal, my first, a couple of weeks ago and I have been struggling ever since. I gained 5 lbs in a short amount of time. I have one good day, then 2 bad days, etc. I too run, 3 days a week. I started in November and completed the Head For the Cure 5K in March at Camp Mabry. I was never a runner before and I didn't come in last (my biggest fear). My goal has been to do a 10K but I can't seem to get beyond 4 miles without becoming totally exhausted and running at snails pace. I hear the fight coming through in your post. You got this!