My emotions this morning are all over the place. I am so happy that I didn't quit. I am so scared that I can still fail. I am proud of myself. I am disappointed in myself, too. I play the "what if" game with myself all the time. What if I had not cheated along the way, where would my numbers be then. I am so grateful for each and every person I have met along the way, you guys have truly become part of my journey.
Well today is a day to celebrate my victories, not beat myself up about "what if!" There are a lot of victories, some big and some small. I have loved experiencing all of them. My biggest victory isn't even the weight loss. My biggest victory is finally believing that I am worth it....and because I put myself in a position to succeed, I am succeeding! So what have I lost in a year?
::drumroll::
104 pounds!!
Ahhh, 104 pounds! I started out wearing sizes 24w and 26w in pants and 32w shirts. Today I am wearing a pair of size 14 pants and an xlarge shirt. I bought them in a regular store! I re-read my post from a year ago, and I had a 60 inch tape measure and that is what my hips measured. Definitely going to need to re-measure today!
A year ago I stepped on the scale and I weighed 319.2 pounds. Today I stepped on the scale and weighed 215.2 pounds. I haven't made it to onederland yet, but I will. I have no idea what my end goal weight will be....because I cannot remember ever being under 200 pounds, I don't know what it will be like to be in the 100's.
I may have lost some weight, but I have gained so many other things. I have gained the confidence in myself that allows me to keep going. I can exercise, I did 3.5 miles yesterday and 2.25 miles this morning....I can remember being out of breath just bending over to tie my shoes or walking from the house to the car! I used to go into a coughing, wheezing fit when I laughed, now when I laugh....it is just laughing....instead of sounding like I am about to have a heart attack (which I probably was about to have)!
I am happy that my family can be proud of me. My son used to tell me I was lazy and fat and that I should get off the couch and lose weight. That did not make me want to lose weight, it made me want to eat cheese puffs! But he is a teenager, without a filter....what he thinks, he says. I especially did not want him to know I was trying to lose weight....because when I failed (and I was sure I was going to) I didn't want to hear him tell me what a fat, lazy, unmotivated person I was. Well now, he tells me that I look great....sometimes he walks by and I will be wearing something that looks good and he might say "damn, mom.....you have lost SOOO much weight" or I hear him brag to his friends about my weight loss. It feels good. As much as it felt crappy to hear him tell me I was fat, he was right. I love that he is proud of me now. My daughters are both so proud, too....and to hear my 19 year old gush about my sweater and my boots....felt awesome. My husband is an angel.....he would never say anything about how fat I was, not to me or anyone else.....but as the pounds came off (of him and me) I know how proud he is.....and he is my biggest supporter! So I wanted to share this fun family photo with you guys. It was taken in November, on Thanksgiving to be exact. I have only lost 5 more pounds since this picture was taken. (the holidays have been a big struggle!)
With 2012 came my first 5k race....and I have to say, it is kind of addicting! I plan on doing at least one race a month in 2013. My January race is right around the corner! The Graffiti Run in San Antonio on the 27th! February we are doing a race for the Rape Crisis Center in San Antonio....and then in March....doing the Dirty Girl Mud/Obstacle course in Austin (very excited about that one!)
I feel giddy, this anniversary feels so happy, better than any birthday I can remember! I will do another post very soon with my measurements and an official side by side picture from a year ago and from today. Until then.........THINK PINK!
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