11-23-12 Thanksgiving Comparisons

Yesterday I was dragging my family outside for Thanksgiving Day pictures....which is comical because every other year.....they had to drag me! I would hide as much of me as I could behind my other family members...as if that hid the fact that I was HUGE! This picture is me on Thanksgiving Day last year, side by side with a picture of me from Thanksgiving yesterday.

Then I started digging through Thanksgiving pictures from other years and came across this one, which shows that my husband and I have come a long way!

Another way to tell how far I have come....yesterday before we went to my parents house for Thanksgiving....I jogged/walked a 5k on my treadmill....seriously....me....exercising on a holiday! I am not fast, but I finished it.....47 minutes. Also, my weight loss officially hit 99lbs Thanksgiving morning! Of course, I probably took a step backward by eating the Thanksgiving meal....but I will get right back at it today!

11-14-12 10 Months In...feeling happy! 95lbs gone!!

Well, it is that time again, the time to measure my progress...my monthly anniversary. 10 months of PINK, 95lbs lighter....feeling pretty good about that.

This is where I tend to start giving myself negative talk....if I would have exercised more....if I hadn't had made a few bad choices on my food....I could already be down 100lbs or 120lbs. Well, not today. Today I am giving myself a pat on the back....95lbs in 10 months is a pretty great accomplishment.....I'll take it, because I have earned it. Have I been perfect every day? Not even close! But I have never stopped...and I have never given in....and I am not going to be the fat girl that I have been my whole life. I am not going to let the fat version of myself dominate my thoughts, or my actions.

I still HATE to exercise, but I do it 6 days a week almost religiously now. I have found what works for me, and it is early morning....get up, get it out of the way and go on about my day. Some days I exercise again in the afternoon....but whether I do or not, I have at least done it once that day. I don't think I will ever be the girl who says she loves to workout....but I am the girl that knows she has do it, so it gets done.

I have changed, that is for sure. I do have more fitness type goals....like I want to be able to jog in 5ks, not walk them, but jog them. I am working on that, but it will take me a while. I am doing the couch to 5k program and I am on week 4....for the second time. I do not think I am ready yet for week 5.  I can jog for 3 minutes straight right now, the 5 minute jogs still get me....I get through them, but it is tough.

I signed up for the Dirty Girl Mud Run in March, an obstacle 5k for women only, not timed, just for fun. I am very excited about it. I have never in my life done anything like that. I bought new jeans and pants this month....size 16, regular store. THAT felt amazing. Being limited to the fat girl stores feels bad, feels second rate, feels like failure to me. Being able to go into a regular store, to the regular sizes and buy clothes....it was very liberating. I want to wear even smaller clothes, I want to be so firmly into regular sizes that I don't have to wonder if it will fit, but rather which size will fit.

So last month my weigh-in was 230.8. Today I weighed in at 224.2. That is 6.6lbs for the month and a grand total to date of 95lbs. I am 5lbs from my next charm on my weight loss charm bracelet. and 5lbs away from 100lbs lost. I still have a way to go, but I am so much closer to the finish line than the start line, and that feels amazing. My mini-goal is to lose 100lbs inside of a year....I have 2 months left.....think I can do it?

10-15-12 New Scale (weighs heavier, boo) Month #9 update!

Can't believe another month has come and gone. I would have to say that being pink is easier in some ways and harder in other ways. I think I mentioned last month that my husband is at his goal...which is great for him, but he is not being as strict, which in turn has given me cause to be less strict. I have tried to rein that in, I see him eating "extras" and instead of joining in, I have to step back and look at the big picture....which is that I still have a long way to go.

The part that has gotten easier (believe it or not) is the exercise.....my demon! Buying the treadmill and having easy access to it all the time has definitely helped. I get on it almost every day for at least 30 minutes, sometimes an hour or more. I have walked a couple of 5Ks on it...which felt like an accomplishment. I try to make sure that I don't give myself room to make excuses for not getting on it. I have found that working out before I even shower for the day is the easiest way to be successful. Once I have showered and dressed for the day I am much less likely to get on it.

So we bought a new, fancy scale....it does water percentage, body fat percentage, and bmi. I love it....but I also HATE it! I hate it because it weighs me 5lbs heavier than the scale I had been using. I know that it is more accurate, because it closely matches the scale at my doctor's office. What that meant for me is that while I thought I had lost 5 extra pounds, I haven't....so when I thought I reached 90lbs gone....i haven't. I decided to right the wrong this month and record my weight as it is on the new scale....which means that for the month I only show a loss of 4.4lbs. For a total of 88.4. So while I am coming up on my 90lbs...I have not officially hit it yet. I have come to terms with it, and I am going from this number (230.8) moving forward in month #10. Still hoping to hit 100lbs inside of a year, 11.6lbs to go and three months to get there!

9-27-12 Pounds Lost + Goals Met = Reward Charm Bracelet!

Rewards....used to be chocolate, ice cream, sweets, savory....really didn't matter....food of any kind would work! Since going PINK....rewards look very different. A lot of my PINK friends have reward systems. A popular one is a charm bracelet. I chose to to get a charm for every 10lbs lost...officially hit 90lbs today and thought I would share my bracelet story.

The airplane - because it was a big deal when I flew in April and could actually buckle the belt.

The 2012 charm - my year of change.

Two Peas in a Pod - because my hubby and I are doing this together.

The strawberry - to represent healthy eating.

The heart - because I am doing this for my health, to maintain a healthy heart.

The tennis shoe - because I actually exercise now.

The star - Because I STARted this journey.

The wishbone - because it was my wish to lose all this weight/

The turtle - because slow and steady wins the race.

I LOVE IT! So happy that I went for it and finally got it! Only 5 more charms to go (50 more pounds) YAY!

 

9-17-12 I need to think about why I started! I can get there from here! 7.2lbs for Month #8.

I am a few days late writing my monthly journal entry. Lots going on lately....and I have been less successful at staying on plan every day of the week.....weekends being the most difficult. My hubby has lost over 100lbs and is finished losing....so now he is less conscience of being PINK all of the time, which leads me to be less conscience of it as well...mostly on the weekends. I am not blaming him, it is my fault, I need to control it better, but it was easier when he was as diligent as I still need to be.

8 months....84lbs! Not bad, but I did pull my lowest monthly total to date this month. 7.2lbs lost this month. I am disappointed and I know that I need to step it up.

We did get our treadmill and I have been working out more, which is a good thing. It is almost a habit to get on it first thing in the morning for 30 minutes before I shower and go to work. To be honest, the regular exercise probably helped my monthly number....it would have definitely been even lower had I not been working out.

Here is to the start of Month 9.....and I am sure to be PINKER than I was in month 8! I do not want to let all my hard work dwindle and let myself feel like I am never going to get there.....because I am going to get there!

8-20-12 Milestone.....Can stand to see myself in a full length picture!

I always hid behind my kids in pictures, or cropped them from the boobs up....but today I went to dinner with my daughter and her old volleyball team....girls I haven't seen in two years. It was so great to look at this picture and think that I did not look ten times bigger than everyone else in the picture.  Milestone for sure. I still have a long way to go....but this one was a wow moment.

8-14-12 Another Month...this makes 7!!!! By far...the hardest month!! 76.8lbs GONE!!!

Month 7......I struggled this month. I have had ALOT going on in my personal life with my teenagers and my ex-husband....I will spare the details.....but it was STRESSFUL!

For the first time since being PINK I actually looked to comfort myself with food. This month I ate a cheeseburger and fries, a cheesesteak....an ice cream cone, and a cupcake. I had all of that in two days, Aside from those couple of days I managed to stay PINK the rest of the month.

Of course I still did not exercise as much as I should have.....always my nemesis....that exercise demon! I am hoping to fix it soon though, we have ordered a treadmill....it is due to arrive any day.

I really want to hit the 100lb mark inside of this year.....losing 100lbs in a year seems like a wonderful goal. At the start of this year I wouldn't have ever believed I could be so close to that goal! I have 23.2lbs to go to reach 100lbs gone....AMAZING!

So while I would normally beat myself up for not losing at least 10lbs this month....instead I will celebrate the 8.6lbs that I did manage to lose, even with the cheating.
Brand new month....here is to staying PINK!

7-14-12 6 MONTHS!!!! I never stick to anything for more than 6 MINUTES!!!!

My PINK anniversary has rolled around again....My month total was not in double digits, but I have had other months that weren't, either. For the most part I am happy with my progress....but the self deprecating part of me can find plenty of things to complain about!

So here it is, my monthly total....68.2lbs. I so wanted it to be 70, but that will come. I need to celebrate the losses and not dwell on what could have been.

Of course, exercise is my nemesis, that has not changed. And, it is summer and with the season come a variety of eating challenges during social events. I am pretty good at managing those, but I have had some things here and there that I shouldn't be eating.

Big non-PINK news, my daughter moved out....so her room is going to transform into a work-out room, maybe that will help me spend more time with the gym equipment, lol.

To celebrate my solid 6 month effort, I went shopping yesterday....I got 5 new shirts and 2 pairs of pants. I am definitely an 18 in pants. Shirts are crazy....depending on the shirt....I wear 1, 2, and 3x. Mostly 2x....leaning toward mostly 1x. Apparently my brain cannot stop thinking "buy the bigger one"  It must be a training issue, my husband often tells me the 1x looks better than the 2x...but I guess I am not used to things actually fitting me. I wore a tighter fitting shirt the other day and my son said "Damn, I didn't know you had lost THAT much weight" (he is 17). He told me that if I wore better fitting clothes that more people could notice. I am trying. My brain still thinks I wear a 24/26 and that I need to wear tents.

I am very proud of being PINK for 6 months....honestly, I do not really struggle with the food. I love eating REAL food instead of CRAP. Sometimes I wish there were more portable snack options, but where meals are concerned I am fine. As a really great PINK friend of mine would say "you have to flip the switch."  Well I have, my switch is flipped, I eat for the energy it provides. Eating CRAP means crappy energy! I will not go back....that part is for sure.

6-14-12 It's My 5 Month PINK Anniversary!! 60.6lbs GONE!!!!!!!

Today is my PINK anniversary.....5 months.....60.6lbs gone. I am super proud of that, as I should be....but I am prone to beating myself up, so I think that number should be higher! I know I slack on exercise.....which is the source of my mental beating. I think that if I had just exercised more regularly I could have been looking at a 75lb number today. But, almost 61lbs in 5 months is nothing to sneeze at!  I met my husband 6 years ago and I know that I weighed about 275 then. After we got together, I ballooned to my starting weight in January of this year, a whopping 319.2lbs. My current weight it 258.6, so I am smaller now than when we met. I have a long way to go, but today I need to celebrate how far I have come instead of beating myself up. Happy PINK day!

6-1-12 Summer has officially begun....new month (June) and a new mini-goal!

So it is June....can you believe it? Yesterday was my son's last day of school for the summer. Today I would like to start a new mini-goal....a challenge to myself. I want June to be exercise filled. I have spoken of my exercise demon many times....it hasn't gone away. I am 58.2lbs lighter as of this morning.....but I rarely get my exercise in! I think I said I wanted to get exercise in every day in May and that didn't happen....but it is a new month and I can start again! I may not do the pink workouts everyday....but I want to do SOMETHING every day....even if it is just a 2 mile walk....in this Texas heat, that is something, right? So starting today....everyday....for the month of June....where will my weight loss total be when we start July? Stay tuned....I have high hopes!!

5-15-12 4 Months on PINK.....down 50lbs!!!

So yesterday was my 4 month "anniversary" of PINK. I am down 50lbs.....which is AMAZING! I know some people are losing the weight faster than that....and others are moving slower. I have learned not to compare myself to anyone else's results....they are very personal and unique to each person's individual body.

What I can do is challenge myself to not only keep up my progress....but also to ramp it up. What I know for sure about myself is that I hate exercise...and that is my area of total weakness. I will make every excuse in the book to avoid the workout. I know that if I had exercised as much as I was supposed to, my weight loss would be higher. This is where I would really like to improve.

Eating PINK is not hard for me, not anymore. Giving up my diet coke was very difficult. Cheese....was my friend, lol. Fast food drive-thru windows were my destination every day after work. All of those things I have adapted to very well. Sometimes I still really want a cheeseburger and fries....but I can usually talk myself down. I have succumbed to the drive thru a couple of times.....but the other interesting thing is that even when I have, my choices have been healthier. I go to the window telling myself to just go ahead and order the double cheeseburger with big mac sauce....but I get there and can't do it. I ended up ordering a grilled chicken sandwich and threw away half the bun.

I have definitely embraced PINK eating. I need to truly commit to PINK exercise and I know my results will be amazing. I have been at this for four months....and the most I ave exercised has been about three times a week. A lot of weeks have been even less than that. This month I want to exercise every weekday and take the weekends off. I want to see what my results can be when I am 100% PINK. Wish me luck!

5-4-12 Birthday Cheesecake, Mini-Goals, and Lessons Learned!

I turned 45 yesterday....not a giant thing, just another birthday...on a Thursday. What is different is me....there was no birthday cake....or better yet, birthday cheesecake! Before, I would have eaten probably 3-5 pieces of birthday cheesecake throughout the day (and probably into the night).

Yesterday I had a pink drink...a salad with sliced chicken and avocado on it, and salmon with broccoli. Somewhere in there, between lunch and dinner I had a cherry pie larabar. I didn't miss the cheesecake.

I don't stay up all night with insomnia anymore. I am no longer addicted to diet coke. I exercise (not as much as I should...but I do it). I am gaining a self-confidence that I never thought I would have. I am enjoying putting on make-up and bright colored clothes. I smile more. I have gained an education about food and exercise and health that I never thought I would have. I like being around people more, instead of hiding from the world....sneaking double cheeseburgers from the drive-thru's is not part of my world anymore.

I had made a mini-goal of reaching 45lbs lost for my 45th birthday....yesterday I turned 45 and I had 46lbs lost....mission accomplished. Now I need a new mini-goal. I'll have to think about that one. I am starting to change my outlook from lose, lose, lose to become healthier everyday....and with that the pounds will come off.

My new mini-goal might be just a re-dedication to my exercise efforts, which is always a struggle for me. I used to watch infomercials about weight loss programs and see these people claiming to have lost oodles of pounds and I would sit there, with my birthday cheesecake....stuffing my face, telling myself that I could never achieve that.

Well, here I am 2.6lbs away from a 50lb loss....never thought it was achievable....now I know I can lose the next 50 and 50 more after that! Yesterday I had my first experience with someone asking me what I am doing...she wanted info about PINK.....because I was doing so great, she wanted to try it....made me so happy. I didn't need, want or miss birthday cheesecake....the rest of the rewards are MUCH greater!

4-18-12 Philly, Cheese Steaks, & Seatbelt Extenders! So glad to be home!!

I guess it is time to change my goal statement....the current one says "I will sit in MY seat on an airplane, w/o crowding the person next to me and w/o asking for a seatbelt extender!!" Well guess what....MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I went to Philadelphia last week and was able to buckle my seatbelt! I haven't been able to do that for at least four years! It felt really good, especially when the lady across the aisle had to ask for an extender.....I mean I felt bad that she had to do that, but SO happy that I didn't!!

So let's talk cheese steaks....I mean, I was in Philly! I knew that I would not stay completely PINK on this trip, and I was ok with that. I made good choices most of the time, but my husband and I did indulge in the philly cheese steak phenomenon. I can officially tell you that we tried all of the top three, Jim's Steaks, Pat's Steaks and Geno's Steaks and without a doubt the clear winner for us was Pat's Steaks. Second place goes to Jim's steaks and Geno's rounds out the top three in a very distant third!

So what did my cheese steak indulgence cost me? About a pound and a half. I was ok with that, I honestly thought it could have been more....when I came home and the scale was only a pound up from when I left, I was ecstatic....then next day it was up half of another a pound....and I was discouraged....but I buckled down, went to the gym, drank water until I felt like I was drowning....and today I am down 2.2lbs....which means I am .8lb down from before the trip!! YAY!!

Traveling is rough on routines. Did the hotel have a gym....yes. Did I use it? No. Did I even see it? No. I couldn't have my smoothie in the morning, we had to eat out at every meal, yadda yadda yadda....I was glad to come home. I am glad to have my routines. I am glad that I have stuck with PINK until it became my normal. I am 40.8lbs lighter after 3 months. I can wear an airplane seatbelt....and that is just the beginning!

4-7-12 1/3 of the way there!!!

Let's see, I have been doing PINK for a little bit shy of 3 months....and today I officially weighed in 40lbs lighter....which is AMAZING! I am about 1/3 of the way to my first goal....which is to get under 200lbs, I may choose a new goal at that point, or just being in the 190's may be enough for me, I don't know yet. I sure didn't know I could be a third of the way to my first goal in under 3 months. I have never felt weight loss success like this before...and it does feel good! I am gaining confidence to believe that I can actually finish this....and by finish....I don't mean stop....I have learned that this is a lifestyle change and I have embraced that. I know that along the way there will be a meal here or there that isn't exactly the best choice, but I know that I will make good nutrition choices 99% of the time. I have made a commitment to really amp up my exercise for the month of April to show myself what a difference it really makes....because that is definitely my weakest area. I am not sure that I will ever fully embrace exercise as something that I LIKE to do, but I know that I MUST do it for my health and continued weight loss. I hope that if anyone that is just starting out reads this that you believe in yourself that you can accomplish this....I have been FAT for my entire adult life, so if I can change and do this....so can you!! Stay PINK!! Forever grateful to Cynthia and her team...and to Dr. Phil for having them on his show. Changed my life!!

3-30-12 "Congratulations! You finished P.I.N.K. Method!"

I logged into my PINK account today and saw this message....

"Congratulations!
You finished P.I.N.K. Method!"

 which is weird because I don't feel or look "finished!" I don't know why it hit me so hard, I know I can reset my calendar and keep going....which I am certainly going to do. Officially, today my weight is down 35lbs on the dot....which is a pretty respectable number....I think. I know I could have done alot better for my first round....I was a pretty big exercise slacker, something I am trying to work on. So I think that now I am really good with the food part of the program....I know how to eat the right way....and that for me is the easy part....so what I need to do is dedicate this next round to the exercise portion....I need to restart my program and rededicate myself to the exercise portion especially. What I know for sure is that this girl...this 285.2lb girl is NEVER going to see the scale over 300lbs again! (319.2 to be exact). My thanks to Cynthia, her team, and Dr. Phil.....his show that day in November changed my life....even though I didn't start the program until mid-January....I knew I was going to try it from that very first time he featured it on his show. For me, I had to build myself up to it....I prepared myself mentally for this lifestyle change, I bought the things I thought I would need to be successful...I picked a date to begin....I ate my heart out right up until that date and then I dove in. I had a few bumps along the way...not too many, food-wise....but like I said....exercise has been another story. So I am restarting my program and my first mini-goal is still to lose 45lbs by my 45th birthday, which is 35 days away.....which means I have 10lbs to lose in 35 days...which is totally do-able, especially with my renewed commitment to exercise! Love PINK!

3-18-12 Two months on PINK....down 31.4lbs

Well, the weight loss has definitely slowed down...which was to be expected. But the good news is that I am still losing...and still sticking with it. I am absolutely certain that my results would be more dramatic if I were exercising as well as I am following the eating plan! SO for this second month I lost 9.2lbs. Nothing to sneeze at, but I KNOW I can do better! It is my mission for this third month to step up the exercise and continue to eat well....I would love to see more than a 10lb loss for the next month. I am turning 45 in May, and I would like to have my total pounds lost to at least match my age on that day!

3-8-12 My Exercise Demon

I am lazy. There, that could be my entire journal entry, lol. I am lazy. I am very lazy. I like being lazy. UGH, why do I hate to exercise sooooooo much? I know that I get better results when I exercise. I was doing pretty well with exercising before we went on our trip, but since we have gotten back, I cannot seem to find the motivation. I will say that for me, the best way to exercise is actually going to the gym. Trying to exercise to the tv....makes it way too easy to just sit down. Once I am at the gym, I can knock it out....but getting to the gym, that takes an entire lecture in my head and honestly, even then....a lot of the time the lazy girl wins! So I am still doing very well with the food part of the program, so I am still seeing tiny losses, but I absolutely know that if I could talk my lazy girl into exercising, the scale would be ecstatic! Every day I have all these conversations in my head about why it isn't a good idea to exercise today....the gym is too far away, it's raining, I have errands that need to get done, I have housework that needs to get done, my son needs a ride somewhere....the list in my head is HUGE, kinda like my a$$! I need a swift kick in the behind. Following the program is easy...when we are talking about the food part....my demon is definitely the exercise! I wonder what my excuse will be today....I so need to lose the excuses.

2-21-12 Connecticut, Vending Machines & Pizza....what a weekend!

My husband and I took a trip this weekend to Connecticut to attend his Mother's 80th Birthday....which was awesome!
Let's take a look at the weekend....which was not totally PINK! I really wanted to go into the weekend and come out the other side of it staying PINK.
Friday we traveled all day and I did a great job with the PINK, except for not drinking enough water. We even ate a healthy lunch at the airport! There was a pizza restaurant in the airport that had a build your own salad area and we ate well and on plan!
Saturday was the birthday party....at an Italian restaurant....and again I stayed PINK! I was feeling very proud of myself. Then we went to a basketball game with some friends. We ended up going to their house after the game. The snacks she set out were NOT on plan! But again, I was being very good and we sat there visiting for HOURS while I stared down chips and salsa, chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate covered pretzels....I felt very happy! The visit lasted much longer than we had planned and we didn't leave their house until about 12:30am. We got in the car and I told my husband I was starving!!!!! I decided that when we got back to his sister's house (that's where we were staying) I would have a banana and just go to bed.
Here is where my story takes an ugly turn! We get to his sister's house and the door is locked! It is now 1:00am. We didn't want to wake her up so we went to a motel for the night. By this time it is 1:30am and we are checking in and I think my stomach is eating itself! We are tired and cranky. There is an all night diner down the street from the motel and we ALMOST go there, but we were SO tired. On the way to the room we pass a vending machine...and we look at each other and just decided to eat JUNK or CRAP. Here is my rationalization that I used at the time....I got potato chips (veggie) and peanut m&m's (protein) and a fruit pie (fruit)! I was so disgusted with myself after I ate it....that I cheated for THAT nasty food....after I had done so well! I also felt really sick at about 4:45am....I think it was a weird sugar high kind of thing....I was dizzy and clammy and sick to my stomach.
Anyway....so the next day we spent at his other sister's house visiting family.....for food, they ordered pizza! After the fiasco the night before, I said to heck with it and ate the pizza....at least if I were going to cheat it would be something tasty instead of vending machine food!
Then yesterday we started our trip home. We were in Hartford waiting for our plane to take off and they announce there is an oil leak and they have to figure that out before we leave....an hour later we finally take off....but we only had a 30 minute layover in Ohio....so we were convinced that we were going to miss our connecting flight....the pilot had made up 30 minutes of flying time and we landed in Ohio at the same time our plane to Houston was supposed to take off. We get off the plane to hear them calling for final boarding on our Houston flight....we were at gate B23 and had to get to B5....which doesn't sound that far.....but it was FAR and I was running. We get to the gate and they usher us onto the plane and then shut the door....we BARELY made it! I promise you this, had I not been exercising the last few weeks and already lost 24lbs....we would not have made it....I wouldn't have been able to get there in time. Once on that plane, I did have trouble catching my breath and the flight attendant brought me a water before we even took off, and I was embarrassed, feeling like the whole plane is watching the fat girl have cardiac arrest! Whew, it was rough!
So, fast forward 3 hours and we land in Houston. We still have to drive to Austin (another 3 hours) it is 4:00 and we haven't eaten since oatmeal at his sister's house that morning. We had a gift card to Red Lobster from his work....and we decided to eat on the way home. So I had my favorites, shrimp scampi, the salad, the bread (mmm, the bread). I figured I would climb back on the horse this morning...which I have done.
What did the weekend cost me.....2.2lbs. I had gained 2.2lbs. The weekend also taught me that I am stronger than I think....until my breaking point, which is apparently at 1:00am after having stared down chocolate covered strawberries! All in all, it was a great trip....but I am SOOO glad to be home and back to my routines. It won't take long to reverse the damage I have done and I will be back to losing in no time!

2-14-12 A weekly look at my first month on PINK

I have been weighing every day since I started pink....sometimes I tell myself I am only going to weigh once a week....but every morning, after I go to the bathroom.....I step on that scale. So what I know is that I have lost 22.2 pounds so far....and YAY! But I never took the time to figure out what that translated to week by week....until now!
                                                               Week One = 11lbs lost
                                                               Week Two = 3.6lbs lost
                                                               Week Three = 1.2lbs lost
                                                               Week Four = 5lbs lost
                                                               Week Five = 1.4lbs lost (so far, this week isn't over)

For my grand total of 22.2lbs lost in one month! Once I broke it down, I like it. Week three was my lowest week so far and that also represents week one of primary, so that makes sense to me. I like looking at it in a week by week perspective, it takes the BIG picture and breaks it down.

2-10-12 Diner's, Drive-thru's & Dives

No....not the show....my brain, lately all I can think about is driving through a fast food restaurant and eating a cheeseburger and fries and having a diet coke. I have not cheated since I started my plan...and I don't want to. But I have to talk myself out of the drive-thru lane almost every afternoon. I have always been a "closet" eater....which for me translated into a "car" eater....when no one was watching, I would sneak the drive thru food. Before I started the plan, I would leave work and drive thru McDonalds, Jack in the Box, Whataburger, Chick-fil-a....anywhere and eat something that tasted soooooo good and was soooooo bad for me....then I would go home and still cook dinner and eat it like I hadn't had that "mid-afternoon snack." I have been doing so well, until this week.....I have not caved and gone through the drive-thru, but man I have wanted to. I can even tell myself that I should, just once....and that it will make me so sick that it will "cure" my desire.....but I know the truth, it won't cure the desire, it will fuel it. I am trying really hard to make these 21lbs that I have lost be enough motivation to stay away from the drive-thru. It has been a tough week!

2-9-12 21lbs in 26 days on the plan!

Sometimes I get discouraged on days when the scale either doesn't move....or moves backward. I guess reset felt so awesome and in phase one the progress slows down so it can feel discouraging. But if I stop and look at the BIG picture which is 21 pounds in 26 days...that is AWESOME!  I had written a post about getting under 300lbs...I was back over 300 the next day and the next day...but I am back under it again...and soon I will be so far under it that even on a "gain" day I won't see 300 again! So today, 298.2....feels pretty good....looking toward the 280's....baby steps! PINK has been such a lifesaver for me. And who knew I could go for 45 minutes on the treadmill and another 15 on the bike....I can exercise for an hour straight...that feels like an accomplishment!

2-5-12 Officially under 300lbs!!

I have completed 7 days of phase 1 and I must admit I was getting discouraged with the lack of weight loss this week....that is until yesterday (-1.4) and today (-2.2) which officially brings me under 300lbs! I know I have a LONG WAY to go, but it felt so good today to see a "2" instead of a "3" for the first number!! I still haven't hit the 20lb mark for how much I have lost, but it is close. Officially I have lost 19.4lbs so far. I wish for more, I have seen some of the other big girls on here get to 20lbs just on reset...but when I step back and look at the BIG picture, I have lost 19.4lbs in 21 days. Exercising is still not "fun" but I am doing it. I am mostly going to the gym and walking the treadmill, riding the bike...still way too out of shape for the dvds but I know I will get there! Happy Saturday and so happy to be PINK!

1-30-12 Phase 1.....two days down!

I (was/am) apprehensive about phase 1, reset was easy...no working out, lol. I attempted Jenna's workout one day on reset and realized that I am just too big and have too much weight to be successful with Jenna just yet. My husband and I joined planet fitness. I like it because it's just 20 bucks a month and I can workout at my own pace while I build up to the dreaded Jenna video!
I ended reset with a total loss of 16.6lbs. I went "shopping" in my closet and found that I can fit into some of my skinnier fat clothes, lol!
So Saturday was my official first day of phase 1, I ate according to the blueprint, with the exception of the after workout shake. We went to the gym and then ran errands and I didn't get home for hours, so it was a mute point. At the gym I was able to do a mile on the treadmill, 1/2 mile on the stationary bike and 13 minutes of the 30 minute circuit training before I just couldn't do any more. I lost an additional 1.2lbs.
Sunday was a bit chaotic, which always throws everything off. I am still doing the shakes for breakfast and I had that....then I went shopping for a new bra (seems all my weight loss has been in my boobs, lol) and new athletic shoes. While I was out shopping my day went haywire....and I didn't end up eating lunch until 2:30. My husband decided not to work out and I ALMOST agreed....but instead I went to the gym....I was just feeling too guilty to not work out on the 2nd day. My knee has really been bothering me though and all I did was 1 mile on the treadmill, which isn't much...but was better than me just not going at all. I also didn't get all my water in yesterday.
Today I am back on track, the work week is easier to manage a schedule. Off work at 2...straight to the gym!

1-25-12 Becoming a scale slave, ugh!

So I am getting pretty bored with reset....mostly because I think I should be exercising already. I am fine with the food. Last Friday I decided to try the first workout with Jenna, it's a twenty minute workout....I think I got through the first 6 minutes before I stopped......which is pretty pathetic...but man was I tired after that. Saturday when I weighed I had only dropped .2lb and I was devastated because every other day of reset it was more than a pound. Every day since has been at least a pound, too. Then yesterday (Tuesday) I decided to go to the gym with my mom....worked the circuit machines for about 20 minutes then did a half mile on the treadmill....which isn't alot, but for me it was....I probably haven't exercised in at least two years. I felt pretty good about it and planned to go back today.....but when I stepped on the scale today I was UP .2lb....I was devastated again. I really don't plan on weighing every day after reset, but I am definitely a scale slave right now. I am down 14.2lbs after 11 days of reset, but I am bummed, I thought I would rock bigger reset numbers because I am very heavy and I noticed some of the big girls have lost at least 20lbs on reset, which I was hoping for. I'll be lucky to finish with 17 total?  Ugh....scale slave!

1-23-12 Happy Monday!

Day 9 of reset is over, 13.2lbs down. I am semi-happy with that number, which sounds ridiculous, I know it is a great number.....but I am HUGE, and I just really thought my reset numbers would be HUGE, too....like some of the women who have lost 20+ pounds on reset.....I thought that would be me. At the pace I am going, I'll be lucky to get to 18lbs. It frustrates me because I have not cheated at all, and I have drank over a gallon of water every day (except one.)  And then I get mad at myself for being so negative about it because after all, I have lost 13.2lbs in 9 days....which should feel awesome! I intend to start exercising this week....and continue eating reset foods for a while longer to see if I can jumpstart this a little more. I am so heavy that I do not believe it will hurt me to exist on reset foods while exercising. I really hoped to end reset under 300lbs.....but it is quickly looking like I will fall short of that goal. On the upside, I am learning more about eating this way. Watched Forks over Knives yesterday and it was very enlightening. I don't think I will give animal protein up entirely, but red meat is almost non-existent to me already. I will continue to eat fish and chicken.

1-18-12 Cherry Tomatoes.....who knew?

So, today is day 5...weighed this morning....down 8.2lbs! I am SO big that I didn't think 8lbs would make a difference, and mostly they don't....however, my pants are not as tight for sure! I feel like I have been rocking reset....and I would say I haven't cheated, but....yesterday I have put half a banana in my pink drink drink #1 and promptly ATE the other half....still lost 1.6lbs, so today I ate the other half of the banana again! Other than that, I have not cheated...wait, well I haven't actually measured my protein portions, so I am probably getting more than 4oz, maybe 5 or 6....but it hasn't been enough to really tell. I haven't cheated on any C.R.A.P., which is amazing! I haven't even really wanted to. I will tell you that I bought cherry tomatoes for the first time and I kinda dig them, who knew! Last night I sliced cucumbers and tomatoes and put it in a little apple cider vinegar overnight and snacked on it today....THAT was tasty...and refreshing! I can honestly say this hasn't been as hard as I expected it to be. I did want a diet coke and chocolate last night, lol....but my husband talked me out of it...and I am glad he did!

1-16-12 Three days on reset, 4.8lbs down!

So I chose to start the program over the three day weekend, to give my body the adjustment period when I didn't also have to be at work. Day 1 was ok, had a funeral to attend in the middle of the day, so I didn't eat lunch.....snacked on veggies and really only had one meal around 5:30...at Cheddar's Restaurant, which was actually a great choice. I had the lunch portion of grilled salmon with carrots and broccoli. I also ordered a side salad, brought my own dressing!
Day two was more difficult, woke up with a horrific headache that lasted ALL day! It finally subsided as the evening progressed. I ate on a better schedule, sticking with pink drink 1 (aso had it on day 1.)  We made the carrot/cauliflower soup and it was tasty! Even my hubby liked it!
Today I woke up with more energy, accomplished alot before 9:00am and then went to the store to get a lime and a beet (the only two things I was missing for drink #3) came home and made that, it was MUCH better than I expected, just grittier than drink #1.....but I am afraid of drink #2. We actually went to the movies today....I thought that would be harder than it was. I am a movie popcorn (with layered butter) junkie....so I didn't know how smelling that would make me feel. I felt great about CHOOSING not to get any....and BONUS, going to the movies for a matinee and staying away from the concession stand is actually affordable, lol!
Tomorrow I start back to work, I am cautiously optomistic about the work week, I need to get much better at planning my meals so that I allow myself to be successful.

1-13-12 Tomorrow is the first day of my new lifestyle!

I have had my PINK program for a week or so, I got my nuwave oven and blenders. I ordered and recieved my stevia & hemp protein. I bought a tape measure (and used it, ugh) and I am going to start reset tomorrow!! I have cut down (not quite cut out) my diet coke....although I will not have another one after today! We are going out to tonight for my "last meal" which really means my last BAD meal....and probably buttered movie popcorn (which will also be cut out). I know most of you have already been doing the program for a while, so sorry for the references! So did you know that a standard tape measure is 60 inches? And.....I needed every one of those for the measuring of my hips! I guess the good side of that statement is that I didn't need a longer tape measure, lol. Do you know that 3 months ago I was looking at buying a "Big John" toilet seat so that it would be more comfortable for my big $SS! Now I am embarrassed to have that be my reality. I am so glad I DVR Dr. Phil every day and saw the ladies on the show. I do not want my reality to be "living large" magazine! I do not want to continue living this way....so tomorrow is the first day of my new lifestyle! Tonight....I am going to be BADDDDDDDD! Happy Friday the 13th!

1-9-12 Still Pre-PINK and almost out of Diet Coke!

Yes, I am still Pre-PINK. I had decided to begin the program once I have all my ducks in a row...including my new nuwave oven and blenders (that I now have a tracking number for, YAY).
I have also been fighting myself on whether or not to totally give up my diet cokes. I watched the live chats and saw Cynthia kind of go off when someone asked if they could continue drinking it....and I thought, hey it can't be THAT big a deal.....but then I started researching it. I am posting this journal so that when I get freaked out later and decide to have a soda, it will help me remember all the reasons why I won't be drinking it anymore. I would almost equate it to a drug addiction. I watch intervention all the time and see those people being confronted by their families to leave immediately and go straight to rehab....and they all seem to want to go get high.....just ONE MORE TIME! I completely understand that now. All this planning I have been doing before starting the program is my "JUST ONE MORE TIME." I have always stocked up on diet coke, I have a 2-liter bottle at work that is half gone...and at home I have one 2-liter bottle that is half gone and another full 2 liter bottle. I am going to finish them....and enjoy every last sip of it. I will not buy more. I am basically down to my last 4 liters of my "drug" and I plan on stopping cold turkey after that. I am so scared, more scared of the end of diet coke than of the new food and exercise lifestyle. I will be succesful! I am changing my life....I just haven't started yet. 4 liters to go!
http://blog.fooducate.com/2010/01/03/three-reasons-to-rethink-that-diet-coke-youre-about-to-drink/
http://blog.fooducate.com/2011/07/02/2-new-studies-diet-soda-leads-to-weight-gain-diabetes/
http://blog.fooducate.com/tag/diet-coke/
http://blog.fooducate.com/2011/12/13/a-diet-soda-a-day-if-the-ada-has-their-way/

1-6-12 Pre-Pink

I, like most us, saw the PINK method on Dr. Phil. I watch him all the time and when the PINK method was highlighted on his show.....I thought it sounded like something I might want to try. I just tucked that away in my mind and went on about my business. I have a few friends that I keep up with on facebook that have recently had some weight loss success....I watch their posts and feel every emotion from being happy for them, to anger, to jealousy, to worthlessness, to guilt. 

I know I need to lose weight. I know I don't feel healthy. I know my son is embarrassed at how big his mom is. I know my husband just had heart surgery....and that I could be headed down that road if I don't do something about the weight. I KNOW all of these things, yet I haven't had the proper mindset to do anything about it. 

My daughter was married in November, I had to wear my "fat" dress, because it was the only thing that fit me. I hated how I looked in all the pictures. I ate my way through the holidays, thinking that I might actually be getting truly depressed about my situation. My son starts talking about new year's resolutions and nags me about exercising. 

I am ready to lose weight. I am ready to change my eating habits. I am ready to exercise and start feeling healthier. I am not ready to share that with everyone. I ordered the PINK method in secret, planned to do it in secret and "show them" that I am more than just a fat person. I started viewing the forum in secret, watching the pre-recorded live chats....in secret. Why in secret? Lots of reasons....but if they all boil down to one thing....fear of failure. I am afraid that I will not be successful, that I won't be able to handle the workouts or stick with the plan....and if I hadn't told anyone, then no one but me will have to know what a failure I am. I still don't want to announce it to the world.....but I told my husband....he is wonderful and would never judge me, even if I were to fail. My son, not so ready for him to know, because he is 16 and does judge me, lol. 

I saw a friend of mine (who is losing weight with crossfit) say that she never plans on sitting on the couch, watching the biggest loser.....instead she is becoming her own biggest loser. I want that. I watch those people, I watch my friend, my sister, my cousin....who have all had dramatic weight loss and I want to be like them. What is stopping me? Me. That's it, just me.....I am the only one who can change it. I am ready for that change....I am ready to not be on the couch watching other people lose weight while I eat until I am miserable. 

I decided to order the program. What I like about it is that it is especially for women. Sure, the men in my life will eat healthier by default, since I cook for them....but this is something that is just for me. Yesterday I received the program. It is all I have been thinking about, that and failure...what if I fail....that haunts me....but not as much as what if I don't try. 

I also ordered the nuwave oven, blenders, hemp protein, stevia....not all of it has arrived yet.....so I am waiting to start....wanting all of my ducks in a row to help me be successful. I still need to buy a new scale, a measuring tape...and figure out how to take horrifc pictures of my disturbingly fat body when no one else is home, lol. 

Maybe by next week I will be prepared enough to begin. Until then, I am going to read my book, particpate in the forums, and the facebook groups and dream about being healthy.

Two and a half years later............

I just read my post from 2010....obviously I had good intentions of starting a weight loss program then. 

Now it is 2.5 years later.....probably a good idea to update my blog? 

I had actually forgotten about that blog post. I have been blogging for the past year (since January, 2012) on a different website....and I wanted to move my blog posts and pictures here, where I thought they could do some good for other people. Too bad I never updated my weight that day in 2010. What I do know is that I stayed over 300lbs until January of this year. 

I watched Dr. Phil in November 2012 and saw him talking to women and a nutritionist about a new plan called The PINK Method. Dr. Phil is very good at opening my eyes, he has such a way with words. One thing he said that has resonated with me was that this: You have to decide that you cannot live with your current situation for another second of another minute of another hour of another day. Well I couldn't. I needed to change. I ordered the PINK Method, worried that I would be wasting money....that I couldn't or wouldn't succeed. That I would be that fat for the rest of my life. 

At first I didn't even want to tell my husband or my children that I was planning on starting a program. I was afraid that if I told them and then didn't follow through, I would be a failure. A failure not only to myself, but now to other people as well. Turns out that eating healthy and exercising isn't very easily hidden, haha. Actually, having them in on my "secret" was the best thing. My husband has been on this journey with me. 

I will be posting my blogs from the PINK Method site right here, in order.....so my journey can be documented in one public place, with progress pictures. I am proud of where I am today and want to share it with other people, maybe I can motivate someone else.